Holiday

The Gift of Forgiveness

~ theantelopediaries

There was a period where I dreaded Thanksgiving, the way I dreaded the last three Thanksgivings, and thought about how I could get away.  I had accumulated hurts that ran deeper with each passing year, topics I wrote about in a blog post here.  Thinking of how to avoid going to Thanksgiving dinner, I fantasized about the time I worked last year, but the reality is I don’t have a job right now.  Going away with my parents, with whom I re-united five months ago after a ten year hiatus, was a possibility, but being in a remote cabin with them for four days would have posed its own challenges. More →

Why You Won’t Be Getting a Cheesy Family Holiday Postcard From Me

~ theantelopediaries

Cheesy family photo: family of four dressed in red behind fake white background.

Even though Christmas has passed, we still got a few more holiday postcards trickling in. You know- the ones with the pictures of smiling families along with PR messages like, “Peace Love Cheer Joy?”

First of all, no one goes through life smiling like that.  You would be considered really weird walking down the street with a big grin on your face.  And yet, in America, it is perfectly acceptable to contort one’s face by pulling your cheeks as far apart as possible and then sending a picture of that to people.

And then you teach your children to do it.

I get the sense that in America, the wider your grin, the happier you’re perceived to be. More →

We’re Going to Hell. We’re Just Here for the Music

~ theantelopediaries

Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus.

It’s Christmas, and I haven’t been to a church service in years.

When I was a child, I went to Catholic Mass a few times, mostly as a spectator.  We weren’t Catholic.  My mother, an agnostic, married my non-practicing step-father, whose mother was very much a devoted Catholic.  So we went to church because we were Judeo-Christian in our upbringing, if not in our practice.

Of all the annual masses that I attended, the one that stands out the most was a particular midnight mass on Christmas Eve.  I was about 10 years old.  The church was cold and the priests (I am guessing they were priests) swung incense which made it very difficult for me to breathe.  Everyone else seemed able to handle it, but I couldn’t breathe.  My mother took me out to the vestibule where there was a wooden bench and told me to wait there.  Then she went back to the service.  It was even colder in the vestibule than it was in the sanctuary.  I was so sleepy (it being midnight after all, and me being 10 years old) that I lay down on the bench.  I knew I wasn’t supposed to lie down on a bench in a church, but I was so tired.  I managed to ignore the cold to get some sleep, but it wasn’t very deep.  At some point a man walked by and saw me lying there.  I immediately sat up.  I didn’t want to appear homeless.  When he left, I lay back down.

So that is my most vivid memory of a Catholic mass- being tortured by cold and sleep while my parents sat through a service they didn’t believe in. More →

A Birthday That Isn’t There

~ theantelopediaries ~ 2 Comments

birthday-1208233_1920

Yesterday was October 2.  It was my husband’s brother’s daughter’s 15th birthday.  I worked that day.  I wrote October 2nd at least 13 times in my work notes.  I thought about October 2nd often that day. More →

Happy Birthday, My Little 4 Year Old

~ theantelopediaries
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Our home celebration with gluten free cake that I made to accommodate my husband. Choosing a color for the fireplace in the background is a work in progress.

Recently, Polina turned 4 years old.  She came into the world during the peak of the annual Perseids meteor shower on Sunday, August 12, 2012 at 5:39 am Pacific Time.  (For more information about that day from NASA, click here.)  My husband woke me up shuffling around on his way to bed, and I never went to sleep alone since.

She was born ready to come into the world.  I was surprised by how strong and alert she was.  Within 10 minutes of being born, she grabbed the scissors that were used to cut her umbilical chord.  There is a video of her playing tug of war over the scissors with the midwife. More →